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Loving Yourself

Is loving oneself conceived by some of us as negative? How does that affect sexual performance in bed? Read about loving oneself and improving sexual performance.

How can loving yourself help improve your sexual performance?
Loving oneself – the term itself, speaking about it, rolling the syllables on our tongues causes most of us to wince. In our minds, self loving is connected to pride, vanity, arrogance and narcissism. A person who loves himself/herself is considered to be offensive, an elitist, someone that is no fun to be with.
The truth is that there needs to be a balance between self adoration which borders on narcissism, and healthy love of oneself. The latter enables you to be open to a relationship with another person. Incidentally, from a psychological point of view, “self adoration” which is expressed by extroversion and vanity indicates the opposite – insecurity and low self-esteem.
The lack of self love has a direct effect on all aspects of life, especially on relationships and even more specifically on one’s sexual performance.

“I am not good enough”
Not loving oneself is usually a result of childhood trauma. Children who did not receive love at home, who have been abandoned or undergone any kind of abuse, tend to develop devastating self hatred. They are convinced that they are not good enough and as a result cannot be in a relationship because “Who would want them!?”
The strange thing is that when conversing with these people, totally normal qualities are revealed. These persons may be handsome, successful and highly articulate. Yet when it comes to relationships and sex, these qualities disappear, and shame and anxiety take their place instead.
Not loving oneself, in its extreme sense, can cause impotence and sexual dysfunction. During the sexual act, the man feels that he is not satisfying or answering his partner’s needs. He also feels that he is unworthy of pleasure and undeserving of love. From the dawn of his childhood he is used to being disappointed and not loved, and so he cannot function sexually.
This is why for many years and up until today, it has been assumed that problems with sexual performance are caused by psychological issues of low self-esteem. Although today we know that some of the problems are entirely caused by health issues (like diabetes, heart problems, prostate disorders and high blood pressure), one still cannot ignore the psychological aspect.

Learn to love yourself
As unfounded as it may sound, people who suffer from low self-esteem and lack of love for themselves need to learn how to love themselves under any circumstance. We all have sides of us that we love more and less. However, we tend to accept ourselves the way we are. We try to improve and emphasize the good qualities, while suppressing/hiding our lesser ones. Men with low self-esteem concentrate only on their negative qualities and turn them into the appearance of everything. When undergoing psychological treatment, the man learns how to accept his negative qualities and to nurture/cultivate the good ones.
It is a process and an internal journey of love, acceptance and making peace with oneself. The man must unravel the entanglement of concepts and emotions he has been carrying with him since childhood, and redefine the way he grasps his individuality.